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Title: Dissociationalists feel like other people are an extension of themselves.
Author: Fraser Trevor
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Dissociationalists feel like other people are an extension of themselves. This is why the  Dissociationalists  tries to thwart the sense ...
Dissociationalists feel like other people are an extension of themselves. This is why the Dissociationalists tries to thwart the sense of self in his or her victim. It is easier to control and exploit one who has no boundaries. Generally, a person with no boundaries was raised by those who are dissociational. We who have a strong sense of self have strong boundaries that render him or her immune to this .



Here are tactics that dissociationalists use to de-self their relationships.


Invalidation - Disagreeing with one’s thoughts, feelings and/or beliefs.


Mimicking - Mirroring your likes and behaviour in effort to ingratiate themselves to you. This is part of the idealisation phase



One-Upping - Trying to maintain a higher status and putting the victim beneath them.



Gas Lighting - This is an abuse tactic that makes the victim feel crazy.

Blaming - Blaming external sources for their internal mistakes.

Psychological Attack - This sometimes blatant and other times subtle tactic causes the victim to become upset and need to defend herself. This defending then turns into an argument where the victim is blamed and is also caught up in the situation, thus taken off balance.

Minimising - They will minimise the effect of their behaviour or abuse.

Control Tactics - Using covert or overt measures to get the victim to do what they wants her to do.

Golden Handcuffs - Holding financial or other resources over the head of others to keep the in line.

Manipulation - Trying to control another person by using psychological methods such as providing selective information, lying, gaslighting, minimising or other tactics on this list.

Lying - They will lie easily to support their manipulations and achieve their desired result. When caught in a lie they will not back down.

Planting Seeds - Trying to control you through the power of suggestion.

Comparison - Comparing you to others by making comments of their strengths in light of your weaknesses.

Pulling the Rug - Building up your expectations, then “pulling the rug out from under you.” Not giving what was implied or expected.

Idealisation/Devaluation - Building you up, then tearing you down. Devaluation most often involves abandonment. They  idealises you, then discards you without a care.

Creating Triangles - They create triangles by gossiping and/or sharing personal and private information with others that was given by the victim in confidence. They have elaborate ways of creating triangles and causing conflict between groups of people. The goal is to make the victim feel alienated and to garner support of others, which abuses the victim by proxy.

Isolation / Alienation - Manipulating the victim into believing that he or she is the only source for the person to turn to. Criticising other people in the victim’s life to the extent that the victim believes that they
 are the only one of value that he or she can count on.

Subtle Ignoring - Sending the message that the victim is not worth listening to by ignoring… Checking phone while the victim is talking, not responding to texts, glossing over concerns.

What they
 want is to control you and keep your focus on themselves. When you are off-balance and you’ve been kept off-balance for years, this keeps they are in control of you. When you are out of touch with your truth, with your true needs and wants, you are very easy to manipulate and exploit.

The answer to these abusive tactics is to fortify your sense of self through a variety of means, such as:

Getting in touch with your child within - Feelings, thoughts, beliefs.
Awareness of who you are and what you want and need.
Staying grounded in your own physical body.
Staying grounded in your own emotional truth.
Calibrating your intuition. Learning to trust your gut.
Understanding of an equal and reciprocal relationship.
Setting boundaries and limits against manipulation and abusive behavior.
Expecting reciprocation of needs to be met.
Refusing to allow them to gloss over abuse in past or present.
Avoiding abusive people.
Confronting abusive behaviour.
Staying focused on your highest good.
Dealing with your own feelings of shame, worthlessness, etc…

If you are a victim of these forms of abuse, then you are someone who needs to fortify your sense of self and create a more solid sense of who you are. Your identity can be shaken to the core by toxic people and it’s up to you to know who you are and define your own values. The key to surviving abuse is to validate yourself and set boundaries against manipulation. You must also be willing to advocate for your own highest good and to get your needs met.

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